Pensive Panda on Men

The semester is coming to a close, and I have just a few assignments left to submit. Obviously instead of working on those, I have decided to post this. Perhaps it is the lack of lab space left that has lead me to isolation and reflection, perhaps it is the "Never Let Me Go" song that is on repeat on my iPod by Florence and the Machines because my 40 hour free limit on Pandora is up for the month, but this morning I decided to figure out my taste in men.

This stems from a somewhat boring life that The Boyf and I have been experiencing in the past few days. A combination of factors, mainly that the new apartment is his after I move to Richmond, has led him to become obsessive compulsive with neatness in the house. While I do appreciate that we are not allowed to eat in bed or put my shoes in the living room, I wonder these rules were not enforced in my apartment. Feeling agitated, I threatened to break up with him, which all women would (and should) do in this type of situation. Although I wasn't serious, I was. I want an intelligent partner, fun, realistic and idealistic. I realize this sparks a paradox. I asked him when he would start to regret living alone, as I had seen with Dr. Professor in college, whom I visited in December while he was recovering from a stroke. A man of mental strength and shunning the idea of family and religion, he started asking for a daughter while in the hospital bed to whom he could teach sitar, his musical passion. Sometimes I wonder if I myself am stubborn enough to think that my career is more important than a relationship and a family (I don't, but I act like it).

Last night, I dreamed that I had gotten a position at McKinsey and Co (we all dream of this, obviously). A former (male) classmate who is now enrolled in an MD/PhD program apparently was also working or interning there during his PhD tenure (dreams often don't make sense; the point is he was doing everything). I added him on Linked In (at least the dream was accurate in the fact that I no longer have Facebook), but he didn't accept for a while because I guess he didn't remember who I was. Then he saw me on the MARTA and realized that he knew me, sent me an InMail and included his phone number. Before I could start scheming of ways to get into his incredibly smart brain and pants, the alarm clock rang.

So this morning, I decided that I was in love with said Dr. Smarty Pants, and proceeded to creep on him online. Luckily and unfortunately, his online presence made me question what I actually look for in a man. So here they are, below. And after making this list, I realize that the perfect man probably will never exist, in so much the sense that it would have to fit my immediate desires, which change all the time. I brought this up in a group meeting today, and was told that women are just as fickle as men, except men talk about it and women tend to harbor it. But here I am, letting it all out. So without further ado, my list of desirable man traits (in no particular order):

1. Brilliant. Not just book smart, but also people smart. And not just smart, but brilliant. Like, autistic brilliant. This also goes hand-in-hand with the next point, which is...

2. Slightly awkward. So I can keep him all for myself. Manipulative? I think so.

3. Philosophical. Thinking of things that are bigger than what we are, how we can learn about them and shape them or others. Human psychology.

4. Alpha male. I don't like to be in control all of the time.

5. Driven and Passionate. This one is important. He must love what he does, and what he does should be influenced by his values and philosophy, see point 3. He should be working toward a greater purpose that may not be achieved within his lifetime but will most likely gain much fame and fortune along the way.

6. Tall, has a big penis and is otherwise also good looking, with a nice smile. Let's not beat around the bush; size does matter, whether we are talking about osteoblast response to nano-topography or female response to male genitalia. I'm also intensely observant of teeth and fingernails. Generally, the tall, European-type male with a strong jawline would be ideal.

7. Appreciates me. Equivalent to "respects" me, which means I am just as brilliant, funny, driven, and all the traits listed here except for the manly ones, and he recognizes that we are both held to the same standard.

8. Outgoing, with a sense of humor. Mainly, laughs at my jokes and can make funny faces.

9. "Manly". Somewhat hairy chest (preferably curly), can grow a nice beard without spots for Movember but preferably keeps this to a 5 o'clock shadow during the year, not balding, into sports and competitive, gets sweaty during sex, large hands preferably with some scarring, likes hiking and nature, checks out other women occasionally (like I check out other men; again, holding myself to the same standard here), willing to bust a cap in someone's butt if someone is being unreasonable, likes watching animals eat other animals, etc.

10. Self confident but not overconfident. Patient, humble when learning, but knows he is superior to others.

11. Positive. Optimistic in depressing situations, works to make things better. Recognizes the situation and seeks appropriate help.

12. Energetic. Great with kids, at concerts, on vacation, while I am shopping for shampoo...

13. Christian. It's okay to not agree with certain parts of the church, but belief in God and Jesus Christ is crucial. Not that many men I have met who possess all the above traits and are also church goers. I myself have fallen off the church-going wagon several times.

Could it be a female complex? Do we have a limited amount of love, or is it like a trait that can be bolstered over time? Are there really different types of love, one maternal and one physical, perhaps one that is a combination of both for our partners?

Or is it just the thrill of the chase? Could what we perceive as desirable traits really be null after 5 years? I seem to want a different man for a set of each traits, not really one man that covers everything. For example, a good father would probably not be an alpha male, but without the occasional power trip, things wouldn't be as interesting.

Ho hum. It looks like I'll just have to revert back to my high school dreams of having the bachelorette "hot guy closet". I would get to pick my date each time I wanted company. Those would be the days.