Pensive Panda on Men

The semester is coming to a close, and I have just a few assignments left to submit. Obviously instead of working on those, I have decided to post this. Perhaps it is the lack of lab space left that has lead me to isolation and reflection, perhaps it is the "Never Let Me Go" song that is on repeat on my iPod by Florence and the Machines because my 40 hour free limit on Pandora is up for the month, but this morning I decided to figure out my taste in men.

This stems from a somewhat boring life that The Boyf and I have been experiencing in the past few days. A combination of factors, mainly that the new apartment is his after I move to Richmond, has led him to become obsessive compulsive with neatness in the house. While I do appreciate that we are not allowed to eat in bed or put my shoes in the living room, I wonder these rules were not enforced in my apartment. Feeling agitated, I threatened to break up with him, which all women would (and should) do in this type of situation. Although I wasn't serious, I was. I want an intelligent partner, fun, realistic and idealistic. I realize this sparks a paradox. I asked him when he would start to regret living alone, as I had seen with Dr. Professor in college, whom I visited in December while he was recovering from a stroke. A man of mental strength and shunning the idea of family and religion, he started asking for a daughter while in the hospital bed to whom he could teach sitar, his musical passion. Sometimes I wonder if I myself am stubborn enough to think that my career is more important than a relationship and a family (I don't, but I act like it).

Last night, I dreamed that I had gotten a position at McKinsey and Co (we all dream of this, obviously). A former (male) classmate who is now enrolled in an MD/PhD program apparently was also working or interning there during his PhD tenure (dreams often don't make sense; the point is he was doing everything). I added him on Linked In (at least the dream was accurate in the fact that I no longer have Facebook), but he didn't accept for a while because I guess he didn't remember who I was. Then he saw me on the MARTA and realized that he knew me, sent me an InMail and included his phone number. Before I could start scheming of ways to get into his incredibly smart brain and pants, the alarm clock rang.

So this morning, I decided that I was in love with said Dr. Smarty Pants, and proceeded to creep on him online. Luckily and unfortunately, his online presence made me question what I actually look for in a man. So here they are, below. And after making this list, I realize that the perfect man probably will never exist, in so much the sense that it would have to fit my immediate desires, which change all the time. I brought this up in a group meeting today, and was told that women are just as fickle as men, except men talk about it and women tend to harbor it. But here I am, letting it all out. So without further ado, my list of desirable man traits (in no particular order):

1. Brilliant. Not just book smart, but also people smart. And not just smart, but brilliant. Like, autistic brilliant. This also goes hand-in-hand with the next point, which is...

2. Slightly awkward. So I can keep him all for myself. Manipulative? I think so.

3. Philosophical. Thinking of things that are bigger than what we are, how we can learn about them and shape them or others. Human psychology.

4. Alpha male. I don't like to be in control all of the time.

5. Driven and Passionate. This one is important. He must love what he does, and what he does should be influenced by his values and philosophy, see point 3. He should be working toward a greater purpose that may not be achieved within his lifetime but will most likely gain much fame and fortune along the way.

6. Tall, has a big penis and is otherwise also good looking, with a nice smile. Let's not beat around the bush; size does matter, whether we are talking about osteoblast response to nano-topography or female response to male genitalia. I'm also intensely observant of teeth and fingernails. Generally, the tall, European-type male with a strong jawline would be ideal.

7. Appreciates me. Equivalent to "respects" me, which means I am just as brilliant, funny, driven, and all the traits listed here except for the manly ones, and he recognizes that we are both held to the same standard.

8. Outgoing, with a sense of humor. Mainly, laughs at my jokes and can make funny faces.

9. "Manly". Somewhat hairy chest (preferably curly), can grow a nice beard without spots for Movember but preferably keeps this to a 5 o'clock shadow during the year, not balding, into sports and competitive, gets sweaty during sex, large hands preferably with some scarring, likes hiking and nature, checks out other women occasionally (like I check out other men; again, holding myself to the same standard here), willing to bust a cap in someone's butt if someone is being unreasonable, likes watching animals eat other animals, etc.

10. Self confident but not overconfident. Patient, humble when learning, but knows he is superior to others.

11. Positive. Optimistic in depressing situations, works to make things better. Recognizes the situation and seeks appropriate help.

12. Energetic. Great with kids, at concerts, on vacation, while I am shopping for shampoo...

13. Christian. It's okay to not agree with certain parts of the church, but belief in God and Jesus Christ is crucial. Not that many men I have met who possess all the above traits and are also church goers. I myself have fallen off the church-going wagon several times.

Could it be a female complex? Do we have a limited amount of love, or is it like a trait that can be bolstered over time? Are there really different types of love, one maternal and one physical, perhaps one that is a combination of both for our partners?

Or is it just the thrill of the chase? Could what we perceive as desirable traits really be null after 5 years? I seem to want a different man for a set of each traits, not really one man that covers everything. For example, a good father would probably not be an alpha male, but without the occasional power trip, things wouldn't be as interesting.

Ho hum. It looks like I'll just have to revert back to my high school dreams of having the bachelorette "hot guy closet". I would get to pick my date each time I wanted company. Those would be the days.

Unfortunate Panda Goes to a Mosque!

Well, well, well. Look who is updating her blog in a timely manner! This iPad really is fantastic; I am typing up this post whilst flying 10,000 feet in the air, on my way to an Indian Islamic wedding. Who would have thunk it?

A few pretty exciting updates since my last update, mostly birthdays and special occasions. One pretty poopy (trying to remain civil for the Internet world) occasion today, but we will get to that soon enough.

The Boyf, my brother, Big K, And my roommate, Jacky Fabulous, had their birthdays last week. It was also Father's Day, so there was a lot of celebrations and presents flying across the US.

I had the toughest time thinking of an appropriate and awesome birthday present for The Boyf (like I do for almost every holiday). After endlessly searching on Google for random presents, I stumbled across the private clubs of the business and socialite world. I had thought these only existed in the movies, but apparently every other high rise in the city houses one of these exclusive clubs. Not knowing at the time, I think I still did a pretty good job of selecting a good one. Since they are pretty pricey (even though we got a sweet dal for the young executive membership), I could afford afford six months. But it is pretty fantastic, and The Boyf is really enjoying his time there so far.  The complimentary valet, personal gym locker with laundry services, awesome concierge, beautiful facilities, free wiFi and food and drink soecials are great, but then I realize we did pay a huge chunk of money in advance. For us, it Is like a special thing we can treasure because we are totally not used to this type of luxury. But it is still weird meeting CEOs and other super important business people who actually LIVE this lifestyle. During this week's orientation, we got to rub elbows with some pretty rich people. I thought they would be pretentious (interestingly, only the ones who weren't that successful were ridiculous), but we ended up having a great time with a couple of them. The one thing about business, though, is that you move on quickly. Networking with so many people is fun, but only if you get to see them and hang out again afterward.

To celebrate the birthdays of The Boyf and Jacky Fabulous, we hosted a dinner party. Since Jacky and I moved in together about a month ago, we have been hosting get togethers almost every weekend. The space is perfect for entertaining, and parking is easy and free. Our location is also right in the city and by school. Also, I can finally cook! Having a nice kitchen lets us and others be able to make whatever we/want. Anyway, the party was great. Unsurprisingly, everyone brought some variation of fried chicken. The Boyf's cousin was in town, so we went out afterward, but Jacky stayed in to work on his thesis...he is defending very soon!

As for the family that are across the country, I sent my brother a gift certificate to Texas Roadhouse, an inside joke in our family that, sadly, is not really a joke. We love Texas Roadhouse! Unfrortunately, he has not gotten his card yet, which makes me suspect that some mongrel is creeping on my outbox and stealing birthday gift certificates from innocent bystanders. I also may very well have just forgotten to send it...Alton that means I must have also lost it too. Oh well...hopefully those Inge don't have an expiration on date!

Padre got a huge thermos and a travel mug, with some vitamins and tea for Father's Day. I wasn't really sure what to get him either, especially on such a tight budget (not every gradhate student can afford a full pirate club membership AND an iPad), but it always ends up working out. Hot water (not beverages, like tea or coffee, just water) is another one of those inside jokes that is actually real in my family. Padre still has not given up the Chinese way and continually drinks hot water despite the 100 degree summer weather and the gallons of distiller spring water we keep in the house. He will actually boil the spring water and then drink it. Plain. Long story short, he liked his gift.

And speaking of birthdays, a bunch of people at turning the big 3-0 this month! My brother, two friends from school, a pair of twins that we know randomly, and another dude! So come to think of it, it is only men. Perhaps women just are ageless. Well, except for all those women who have done me wrong in this life. They are all crackheads. Maybe also the 400 pound lady sitting next to me on the plane...I SAID IT.

And speaking of crackheads and foolishness, the bad news arrives! Today I was suspended from the cleanroom! Everything was going well this week until this morning. I finally as able to schedule a piece of equipment that had been down for over a month. But some hoe caused the fire alarm to go off last night, so they had to shut down the cleanroom as a orprecaution, even though the mishap wasn't even related to the cleanroom. I was originally scheduled to use the equipment from 7-10 this morning, but due to the shutdown the cleanroom would not be open until 8. I could have easily finished my work in three hours, and I would barely scrape by in two hours. But upon my arrival, none of the buttons worked on the machine! I started to panic and called the person I charge of the equipment. Lucky me and fugging TMobile, I didn't have service in there. So I used the cleanroom phone to call the equipment guy. I called his cell phone, his office phone, then another guy's cell phone, then both staff offices to figure out what I should do. He cell phone redirected to sme random guys phone, and no one else answered. I decided finally that I could still salvage my experiment if I tried restarting the system by venting and then pumping down the system. Halfway through pumping down, the system gives an error and just quits doing anything.

Freaking out at this point and contemplating whether or not I should just pull the emergency alarm and cause another big scene like last night, I decided to forgo the experiment and instead work on a different one while waiting forthe trainer to arrive (he had a training session scheduled for that morning). Deciding to wait outside for him so as not to pay extra for the time I was inside but not using the equipment (yes, we are charged by time, it is slightly ridiculous), I run into him on the way out. Now it looks like I did something wrong and am trying to escape before getting caut red handed, even though I was just trying to save money. Then I tell him what happened, and that I was sorry and tried calling him but no one answered their phones. But APPARENTLY you have to dial 9 first when calling outside of campus. Fugging poop. So now I look like a careless imbecile. I had no idea 'venting the system' meant FUG WE ARE DEAD, but apparently it does. So I guess there are a lot of chambers, and usually it ny vents a few of them. But venting the system causes the whole machine to shut down. Strike three. Now i just look like an idiot. And, trying to maintain my composure and not seeing the trainer going into an epileptic fit, I decided  it would be fine after all. So I told him to call me if he had any other questions and that I really was flustered this morning. Strike four, if that was even possible

I managed to patch things up slightly during the day. Because it is a time course experiment, I could do the experiment sometime next week and still make it work in the general time frame. I even sent an urgent email to Dr. Zebra, my advisor, to ask for extra time to compete the experiment. He responded, which isIsraelis, considering has has been ignoring my other emails for about three weeks now. I rescheduled the equipment for Monday evening. It was pretty late, but ate least it was still available. So far, so good.

Around 7pm, I get an email letting me know that I have been suspended from the cleanroom for one week, what can I say? I guess I was more angry before I started writing this, but after goings through everything that happened, I could see this coming. Even though I never did anything but bad intentions, sometimes the cards are just not cut the right way. So I guess I can just take it with a grain of salt, and suck it up and send another apologetic email. Hmm...I guess it was a good thing I decided to write this blog.mi was really worried I wouldn't get over being angry enough to enjoy one of my best friends' wedding weekend. It's funny how we lose perspective of things sometimes. Although I h although I will never forget this and will be bitter about it probably forever. But atleast I'm over it for the rest of this weekend.

Alright, I should probably turn this thing off soon! We are landing in a little bit and in less than 24 hours Yashmak will be a married woman!

Ok announcement just came on. I'll post this tonight!