Pensive Panda on Men

The semester is coming to a close, and I have just a few assignments left to submit. Obviously instead of working on those, I have decided to post this. Perhaps it is the lack of lab space left that has lead me to isolation and reflection, perhaps it is the "Never Let Me Go" song that is on repeat on my iPod by Florence and the Machines because my 40 hour free limit on Pandora is up for the month, but this morning I decided to figure out my taste in men.

This stems from a somewhat boring life that The Boyf and I have been experiencing in the past few days. A combination of factors, mainly that the new apartment is his after I move to Richmond, has led him to become obsessive compulsive with neatness in the house. While I do appreciate that we are not allowed to eat in bed or put my shoes in the living room, I wonder these rules were not enforced in my apartment. Feeling agitated, I threatened to break up with him, which all women would (and should) do in this type of situation. Although I wasn't serious, I was. I want an intelligent partner, fun, realistic and idealistic. I realize this sparks a paradox. I asked him when he would start to regret living alone, as I had seen with Dr. Professor in college, whom I visited in December while he was recovering from a stroke. A man of mental strength and shunning the idea of family and religion, he started asking for a daughter while in the hospital bed to whom he could teach sitar, his musical passion. Sometimes I wonder if I myself am stubborn enough to think that my career is more important than a relationship and a family (I don't, but I act like it).

Last night, I dreamed that I had gotten a position at McKinsey and Co (we all dream of this, obviously). A former (male) classmate who is now enrolled in an MD/PhD program apparently was also working or interning there during his PhD tenure (dreams often don't make sense; the point is he was doing everything). I added him on Linked In (at least the dream was accurate in the fact that I no longer have Facebook), but he didn't accept for a while because I guess he didn't remember who I was. Then he saw me on the MARTA and realized that he knew me, sent me an InMail and included his phone number. Before I could start scheming of ways to get into his incredibly smart brain and pants, the alarm clock rang.

So this morning, I decided that I was in love with said Dr. Smarty Pants, and proceeded to creep on him online. Luckily and unfortunately, his online presence made me question what I actually look for in a man. So here they are, below. And after making this list, I realize that the perfect man probably will never exist, in so much the sense that it would have to fit my immediate desires, which change all the time. I brought this up in a group meeting today, and was told that women are just as fickle as men, except men talk about it and women tend to harbor it. But here I am, letting it all out. So without further ado, my list of desirable man traits (in no particular order):

1. Brilliant. Not just book smart, but also people smart. And not just smart, but brilliant. Like, autistic brilliant. This also goes hand-in-hand with the next point, which is...

2. Slightly awkward. So I can keep him all for myself. Manipulative? I think so.

3. Philosophical. Thinking of things that are bigger than what we are, how we can learn about them and shape them or others. Human psychology.

4. Alpha male. I don't like to be in control all of the time.

5. Driven and Passionate. This one is important. He must love what he does, and what he does should be influenced by his values and philosophy, see point 3. He should be working toward a greater purpose that may not be achieved within his lifetime but will most likely gain much fame and fortune along the way.

6. Tall, has a big penis and is otherwise also good looking, with a nice smile. Let's not beat around the bush; size does matter, whether we are talking about osteoblast response to nano-topography or female response to male genitalia. I'm also intensely observant of teeth and fingernails. Generally, the tall, European-type male with a strong jawline would be ideal.

7. Appreciates me. Equivalent to "respects" me, which means I am just as brilliant, funny, driven, and all the traits listed here except for the manly ones, and he recognizes that we are both held to the same standard.

8. Outgoing, with a sense of humor. Mainly, laughs at my jokes and can make funny faces.

9. "Manly". Somewhat hairy chest (preferably curly), can grow a nice beard without spots for Movember but preferably keeps this to a 5 o'clock shadow during the year, not balding, into sports and competitive, gets sweaty during sex, large hands preferably with some scarring, likes hiking and nature, checks out other women occasionally (like I check out other men; again, holding myself to the same standard here), willing to bust a cap in someone's butt if someone is being unreasonable, likes watching animals eat other animals, etc.

10. Self confident but not overconfident. Patient, humble when learning, but knows he is superior to others.

11. Positive. Optimistic in depressing situations, works to make things better. Recognizes the situation and seeks appropriate help.

12. Energetic. Great with kids, at concerts, on vacation, while I am shopping for shampoo...

13. Christian. It's okay to not agree with certain parts of the church, but belief in God and Jesus Christ is crucial. Not that many men I have met who possess all the above traits and are also church goers. I myself have fallen off the church-going wagon several times.

Could it be a female complex? Do we have a limited amount of love, or is it like a trait that can be bolstered over time? Are there really different types of love, one maternal and one physical, perhaps one that is a combination of both for our partners?

Or is it just the thrill of the chase? Could what we perceive as desirable traits really be null after 5 years? I seem to want a different man for a set of each traits, not really one man that covers everything. For example, a good father would probably not be an alpha male, but without the occasional power trip, things wouldn't be as interesting.

Ho hum. It looks like I'll just have to revert back to my high school dreams of having the bachelorette "hot guy closet". I would get to pick my date each time I wanted company. Those would be the days.

Happy Panda New Year!

Happy new year from the graduate panda! Obviously I gave up on the regular updates at the start of last semester, but after a refreshing break at home and some exciting news, I am ready to get back in the blogging saddle! One of my new year’s resolutions this year is to update my blog at least once a month! I have never failed on a new year’s resolution before, so this will be a good way for me to get back on schedule in my shasty internet life.

First, I need to update you on all the happenings from August until now.

“I found out, much to my amazement, that I do in fact have a little butt crack.”  

OOPS A DAISY! I’m currently sitting on the airplane from Philly to Atlanta and had to take a urine break. The Boyf took liberties to infiltrate this post and add the above line. Quite the literary genius. Never fear, I am back! And on with the updates!

The Boyf and I finally moved in together! After about 7 or so odd year of dating, we really made strides in the past year in our relationship. We have been living in Atlanta for one year now, and living in the same room for approximately four months…which may or may not have contributed to the lack of updates. While maintaining my graduate student duties, I have found it slightly challenging to stay on top of my personal hobbies (such as blogging, guitar/music, writing letters) while spending time with The Boyf. And here is what I have to say to those little doubt-monsters about moving in with my significant other:

Once you live together, you’ll never have enough personal space. Besides fighting over closet space, we have done pretty well in sharing space and understanding each other’s personal boundaries. Plus, we are both at work almost 12 hours/day, so when we come home we actually want to be with each other. The biggest thing we fight about is who is doing the dishes. 

You’ll discover each other’s messy habits. My biggest pet peeve about the boyf is that he likes to step out of the shower without drying his feet, soaking the bath mat in the morning before I get in the shower. I HATE stepping onto a wet bath mat. His pet peeve is probably that my now ridiculously long hair sheds ALL OVER the place – which I also hate. We’re learning to deal with it, but those aren’t problems that can’t be fixed. 

One of you will be messy. The Boyf likes to sleep early and I always go to bed late. I usually do the laundry, clean the dishes and all when he is in bed, which frustrates me because I feel that he is just being lazy by zonking out. However, he is always prompt in the morning (to the point of being slightly irritating) and takes out the trash and gets all the outside-of-the-house issues done during the day, when I don’t have time (for instance, doing the research on car shopping, picking up the car tag, stopping at Home Depot to get apartment fixing stuff). Putting away laundry sometimes gets to be a problem, but I have found that the sex boycott works extremely well for getting your significant other to do things around the house.

And not only have we basically overcome these move-in myths, we have learned a great deal more about each other. Such as our obsession with cheesecake! The local cheesecake restaurant is moving to within a few blocks of our apartment, so now we’ll be rolling around in cream cheese heaven (and our own belly fat, if this continues). However, to balance our hedonistic dieting, we should start a good workout regimen. We have been having way too much fun just eating (delicious) crap and sleeping instead of going to the gym and doing the rabbit nibble. Hopefully this new year will let us start getting in shape. You know how the gyms are always packed for the first two weeks, then everyone remembers that 11 months of weight isn’t going to come off in a week, and stops working out altogether. 

We have also been obsessing over Arrested Development, which is coming out with a new season apparently in May this year! 2013 definitely has a few good things in store for us (which you’ll see as you keep reading), including the Chinese year of the snake…MY YEAR! So all you skeptics can kiss my flat pancake panda butt. HATERS GON’ HATE.

The Boyf and I also bought a car! Well, technically we are leasing the car, which happened fortuitously in the midst of our frantic car searching two months ago. We settled on a Toyota Prius, which has brought me great joy (as it has been my dream car since high school, fo’ rizzle) and The Boyf great ridicule. Apparently there is a Prius forum online where Prius owners get together and devise secret handshakes and head nods for when they encounter each other on the road. I kid, but not really. So call me if you have a Prius.

But the biggest news of all, for which I have been delaying this post, is that….

I am moving to Richmond!

My advisor has decided to leave the landlocked Atlanta for a boat friendly Richmond, Virginia. As it turns out, my obsessive compulsiveness in taking way too many classes has paid off. I’ll be able to finish up my graduate class requirement in May, while still earning a certificate in management, and be able to finish my research in Richmond. We had to negotiate a little, but if I pass my proposal by May and finish my courses, I’ll be able to still get my degree from Georgia Tech/Emory/Peking University and partake in research for one year in Beijing, while finishing up my research in Richmond. I’ll have to return to Atlanta for bi-annual committee meetings, which will actually be nice, and paid for. Although I’m sad about leaving some friends in Atlanta and the good food on Buford Highway, I am really looking forward to the opportunity space in Richmond and also being closer to my home in Lancaster, PA. Padre is pretty excited about being able to see me ALL THE TIME, while still denying the fact that The Boyf and I are basically married, and continually tries to plan a future where he will live in my house with me and make me soup every day for dinner. 

I’m pretty nervous about my proposal this semester, since I’ll be busy finishing classes and trying to push out my first grad student paper (WOOT!). But I am really excited about the other projects I am working on in lab. This first year and a half of grueling work has seemed to finally start paying off. I’ll be attending my first conference of graduate school in three weeks in San Antonio, followed by another conference in March in Seattle. If the year finishes out well, I’ll have another conference in September in Boston to add to my CV also. Being able to share my research makes me feel like what I am doing is worthwhile! It’s definitely nice to be part of a community that understands what you are doing as opposed to the blank stares you get when you go home for the holidays and people are like, “Oh that’s cool…so if you are going to be a doctor, can you write me a prescription for weed?” Okay, so that’s not really how it goes, but now that marijuana is going to be legal in Washington and Colorado, we might as well invest in the brownie factories early. I need a retirement fund, especially since apparently NSF does not count as income that I am able to contribute to an IRA. CRIKEY! NSF has really benefitted me while screwing me over at the same time. I get a great stipend and my tuition and fees paid for, yet I have to pay taxes, can’t apply for a mortgage and can’t contribute to an IRA with the income. Sounds like the US government, all right. But I won’t complain. I do need to thank NSF for providing me with these great shoes.

So anyway, that’s it! I’m sure that I forgot some stuff, but all the important things are in here. Also, I started TAing last semester and my instructor recommended the book The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand for me to read. I was getting really bummed out with my research and the politics I saw in academia. This week’s break at home (including the immense amounts of shopping) plus the book’s message (be true to your art!) has put me in a much better mood. I would recommend it to anyone who is in any field that requires a little bit of creativity (or even if you don’t think it does, read the book and reconsider; you’ll have a lot more to think about at least). 

There’s one final thing that I wanted to share this new year’s day. Of course we’ve all heard it – to live life to the fullest – but it is hard to practice with so many daily responsibilities. During break, I and another formed student visited my undergraduate research advisor in the hospital. He has suffered a stroke and underwent brain surgery. He is recovering fine now, but I wonder if he will ever really be the same. It was funny and strange, because just a few months ago I had send him a link to this TED talk on surviving a stroke and having the will to relearn everything and live again. I wonder if he had thought about it at all or if he even remembers watching the video (or if he even watched it – professors are always so busy). But I do want to say that he was a great advisor, and the person who influenced me most (besides crazy Padre) to go to graduate school. He truly loved his art, science. He never did have any children, but I almost think he made more of an impact as an advisor to lots of the “homeless” scientific community’s children than he would have had he invested all his time and energy in one or two people. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have children, I’m just suggesting that ended up “fathering” more of us in a way that he shouldn’t feel bad about not starting his own family. But anyway, things like that just make you think about your life and how you want to make an impact in the world. And they make you realize that everyday little things, like smiling at someone or being a good advisor/mentor, are great contributors to your legacy. Never forget who you are and, in the words of The Boyf’s cousin, WORK TO EARN everyday! 

Happy new year 2013! I look forward to a fruitful and fun year ahead!