August Angst

Dear Cheese Curls,

There is a lot that I need to update ya'll on! As you may have seen, I have accepted my Southern identity by eating hoards of hot fries and starting to say "ya'll". Ebonics, yo! And better yet, I have decided to join NSBE, the National Society of Black Engineers! It is time to assume a new identity, and as Meg Jay, PhD, says, create identity value. Is it because I care less because I'm in Richmond, a city where mediocre food is considered gourmet and infrastructural negligence historical? Perhaps. On the other hand, maybe this is just the perfect time and environment in which I can feel comfortable exploring myself, without worrying about the reactions of others?

This post was pre-empted by something very out of the ordinary (or maybe not) that occurred last night. I have already been irked all this summer by the sheer ignorance of (mostly young) people in Richmond to other cultures, in my situation, of Asian descent. Every time my roommate Lil' Goat and I have been out at night, we have been stopped by men and women alike to ask where we are from, and inevitably need to explain that the inquirer's Japanese friend is NOT THE SAME as our Chinese heritage. When three guys came to hit on us and we casually ignored them, they vocally expressed that we probably just didn't understand English. Now, posing as an international exchange student with little knowledge of American culture can be positive in certain situations, such as butting front of line, asking stupid questions, dumpster diving, talking loudly or interrupting in inappropriate situations, etc., but under those circumstances I am only joking and having a good time (or trying to get out of a sticky situation). However, after last night, I am beginning to think that my jokes are only a reflection of a sad truth that still exists in this city.

Lil' Goat and I decided to relax after a week of hard work and went out to a bar with some friends. As Lil' Goat came back from the bar with a drink, a blonde girl purposely spilled her drink on Lil' Goat and said something about Asians to her friend. Spilling drinks is not uncommon, especially in the midst of inebriation and jovialty. Typically we let these things go, but Lil' Goat was NOT satisfied letting a deliberate racist act go, so she went back to the girl and asked her to apologize. When she didn't, Lil' Goat threw her drink on the girl. Then we left to the other end of the bar, where some dude from the blonde posse decided to come and exert his influence on us, and spilled his drink on my purse.

Now, I have no idea what happened here, what I had to do with anything, or if the guy really just couldn't tell Asians apart because, as we already know, the entire group was ignorant and most likely racist. The blonde girl's brother came over to tell us to calm down, that his little sister was just drunk. I asked him that I just wanted an apology because we all do things when we are drunk, and this act just so happened to show a negative side of his little precious sister, but what the heck did I have to do with his friend spilling his drink? He claimed to not know the person, and was not going to apologize on behalf of anyone.

I am an American. I was born in the United States, and I am of Chinese descent, but I date an American guy, go to an American school, and have succeeded in a system that has historically been against immigrants. Padre has always told me to not participate in organizations in high school because he thought they would never cast an Asian girl like me in an American play, or choose me to represent an American school. I never paid heed to him; I always did well and even if I wasn't chosen as the best, I would always do well on tests where no one could see my face. In a way, the Chinese mentality of studying very hard to succeed has its merits. It is a way of succeeding based on a merit system that is fair to everyone (to a certain extent), independent of your physical looks or personality. If you work hard, you can get ahead. And this is America, a country where this value reigns supreme over everything.

Now that I'm in Richmond, I'm starting to wonder what is happening. I have never been openly discriminated against based on my looks. I have always talked to people and whatever they assume of me afterward, that is fine. But just by walking into a bar and a YOUNG PERSON spilling her drink on a Chinese person, denouncing us, is unheard of in this day and age. I hate to compare this to black discrimination, but in the end we all feel the same. Were we right we retaliate and spill our drink on her again, or should we have let it go? In the end, it's only a $5 drink...but is it better to win the battle, and lose the war? Richmond is the first city that I have lived in that I have experienced so much ignorance against Asian people (and I've lived in small suburbs in Pennsylvania, Minnesota, larger cities in Oregon and Georgia). This city has NO excuses. It is the capitol of Virginia, there are young college students here, there is industry, there is a large population of black people (so why aren't white people used to diversity?)...and yet, we still get comments on the time from people when we walk down the street. I am appalled not only by the backwards thinking here, but the fact that is is being propagated in YOUNG people. Old people, okay, they are old and grew up thinking one thing. But WHO IS TELLING YOUNG PEOPLE that these things are okay?

Besides that, cheese curls, I don't have much to share. I guess there have been some exciting things, and I have made some friends around town. But I have never felt anything toward this city. A friend told me that the first three months in any new city is always the hardest, until you are assimilated and get connected into a new network. Honestly, with the way things are going, I feel like I will still feel like an outsider even after two years.

Apart from being philosophical because I have been so depressed lately, I really just want to ask one question: is this worth it? Dealing with an advisor who is not there, an emotionally abusive work environment, in a city that lives circa 1950, apart from those you love...

"And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." Steve Jobs

Weekend Adventures with Panda and Goat!

Hola Cheese Curls! Today I have some exciting adventures to share with you. Little goat (my roommate) and I have been frolicking around this weekend after an especially depressing week and abrupt Skype meeting with our advisor on Saturday morning. To relieve some stress, we decided to go to DC!

Driving to DC was not too bad, since we went on a Saturday afternoon and came back late at night. The drive was expected to be around 1hr 45min according to Google maps, which was just shy of our actual drive time. However, we did stop at the POTOMAC MILLS (aka Potato Mills) outlet, which was AMAZEBALLS. Seriously, what is the point of going to a real mall or even department store when you could drive an extra 30 minutes and go to the BEST MALL EVER!? Plus, it's an INDOOR outlet mall! I have never seen such a thing. It's nice during the winter, but actually it would be nice to walk around outside during the summer. Plus, the muck of children running around in the food court was slightly unappealing.

Anyway, the trip was a nice departure from our dear, quaint, *ahem* lovely Richmond. We tried to find a hair salon in Chinatown DC for Little Goat to get her hair cut, but apparently the "Chinatown" in DC is not real, as evidenced by a CHINESE website we found afterward (I guess you have to Google in Chinese to get any real information around here...ironic because Google and China hate each other). So we drove about 10 miles away to Falls Church, VA to get dinner. We ended up at a restaurant that had "Hong Kong" in the name but served Szechuan. Again, go figure.

SO HAPPY to find DC Chinatown! Before the disappointment in realizing that it wasn't a real Chinatown, just commercialized for tourists. Bummer.

IMPORTANT UPDATE! So to read more about our roommate adventures, especially in the arena of frugality, check out my and Little Goat's NEW BLOG! You can read it at: www.toomuchpanda.wordpress.com. Depending on the amount of traffic and website availability, we may purchase the domain and turn it into a full fledged website! SUPES EXCITING!

In other news, today I finally (I think) found a church that I want to attend on the regular. I have been church hopping around town and so far all the congregations are measly compared to the ones in Atlanta. Howevs, the church I attended today had a nice sized congregation. I ended up meeting two of the young adult members there, and apparently many people leave Richmond for the summer (if it's any indication of the quality of living here, as already evidenced by the degeneration of my life...sigh) so most churches in the area will cut Sunday School and move their services from 11am to 10am. No wonder everything was out of sync when I was trying to go to church! Hopefully everything around here will beef up come late August/early September and I can start meeting more interesting people. As it stands now, I think I will be coming back again. Phew! It's always difficult to find a congregation. We will see how this one turns out!

So things in lab are okay. The system in academia is so structured and yet inexplicable in a way. There are a lot of politics going on behind closed doors, which is seen much more as a graduate student in the field than someone who "likes" science and just heard about research and says, "Wow, that's cool!". Obviously, it is a VERY cool field, otherwise I wouldn't be wasting 5 years (or more, but hopefully not, inshallah) enslaving myself for minimum wage payment. Truly, according to my advisor it is the "last great apprenticeship of our time." But indeed, "our time" is now "past time", and the educational system must also adjust to fit the needs of a new generation of students. More on that later...but just something to munch on in the back of your brain.

Since the last time I updated, The Boyf and Dr. Rey visited us in Richmond, and we all parted for a brief vacation weekend over the Fourth of July holiday. It was refreshing getting away from Richmond (isn't it always), and seeing my family. Hair's wife and son successfully immigrated and arrived in America that weekend, so it was very busy registering them for new social security numbers and enrolling Little Hair for school (he is 8 and so cute!). Hair also celebrated his 35th birthday with a grand feast at our humble Peking Restaurant! And Padre finally enrolled in Medicare since he is now eligible. Life moves so fast!

Although things back in Qville are not so bad, the restaurant has been suffering. It's not really the economy but more of  a changing culture (a new "our time", if you will, in reference to my earlier paragraph). Even though we are the only Chinese restaurant in town, we only provide eat-in or take out. The eating-in part isn't really happening, since our air conditioning doesn't work very well in the summer and the heating doesn't work well in the winter (Hair is really a trooper for being able to handle the temperature fluctuations all year!). I tried to get Wifi, but it's a small town and I doubt many college students (or high school) would want to come and do homework at a Chinese restaurant. The vibe just isn't there. I had talked to Padre about starting delivery service, but our staff is low and we can't afford to hire another person just for delivery, unless it's guaranteed business. On top of that, online reviews are slamming us! I cannot believe how mean people are. There are some Google reviews that are just downright slander, so we will probably have to work on improving our online image. It's been difficult thriving without technology in an era where everyone is online. Since we are small, we are still a cash operated business, which is also tough for customers. Padre is willing to try Square, but again, we don't have Wifi (this may change soon; I am looking at getting a plan for his phone so we can run it directly from there).

Hair celebrates his birthday with Little Hair! Situated in Peking Restaurant...our little restaurant is filled with big memories!

Panda's life is starting to get stressful! With the restaurant business down and the academic environment lackluster, I am trying to find new ways to motivate myself. Hopefully our new blog will perk up my spirits! Also, if any of you Cheese Curls have suggestions, suggest away! I always love hearing from my readers.

Until a happier time...

Panda (tentatively) Survives the Semester

Hello my dear little cheese curls! I have finally lived to see the day when I'd have time (or patience) to update my blog yet again! I finished my finals on Thursday of last week. The weekend was a blur due to my celebratory festivities, although I will try my best to recap the highlights. Although this week should be my most productive in lab since I don't have any classes, the equipment I need to use is currently down, and I have no estimate as to when it will be usable again. Thus, I am stuck at my desk, trying my best to concentrate on reading papers and The Economist. Unfortunately (or fortunately!) I have decided instead to update my blog! Usually I reserve non-school/lab work to be completed outside of the 9-5 block of time, but as of late I have just been going home and making Youtube videos instead.

To curb this inefficiency in the abode, I have decided to force myself to complete work RIGHT THIS SECOND as I sit here, otherwise I will be tempted to go on Facebook, which is another no-no between 9-5. Plus, my efficiency has risen dramatically over the past month or so, so I deserve a break to write this.

This is certainly an improvement from my first summary of negative efficiency some time ago.

Also, about a month ago I washed my Ipod nano that I received for Christmas from The Boyf several years ago. It has served me well; but alas, I had to be an incompetent fool and forget to check my jacket pockets before throwing it into the washer. And of course, the Ipod has not worked since then, even though I have been plugging it in every day to check if it charges. I stopped trying altogether about a week ago because I am hanging on the verge of hopelessness, although I did have a dream last night that it ended up charging. Let me try it now...

Nope. I'm screwed.

And because I am so stubborn, I refuse to buy a replacement Ipod. Perhaps I will take this to the Apple store and claim software malfunction. I never thought I would be able to survive without listening to music on my walk to and from school every day, but I have before and I am starting to get used to it again. Although sometimes I do really miss it, it is nice listening to the sounds of REAL LIFE: birds chirping, cars beeping, the garbage truck, drunk people at happy hour, some homeless guy asking me for money...I digress. And I think I really miss listening to music. Usually I go on Billboard 100 to stay up to date with and download new music, but I have just been so busy lately that I haven't had time to do that. With 4 classes and even a minimal amount of labwork, I still manage to find myself sitting in lab 10-12 hours a day, and also on the weekends. At least it is better now, since I no longer have classes. And this weekend I finally went out, which was a good way to wind down after a crazy semester. Anyway, I am in love with this "Good Feeling" song by Flo Rida, which is apparently originally from Avicii, but it really THE BEST remixed by Skrillex. LISTEN TO IT. NOW. I am. And I keep having to resist the urge and start flinging my body around in the vicinity near my desk. The poor Muslim lady sitting next to really has to put up with a lot, although she reminds me a lot of Yashmak, my roommate from college, and I really like them both. 

On to the weekend! On Friday, we had "Girls Night" at one of our labmates' house. I highlight the title because it was not completely accurate. Although almost all the attendees were female, Papa Ray was also invited to "babysit" her son, although we all know better. Every woman in our lab, single or not, is vying for Papa Ray's hand in marriage because not only is he a great guy, he is well educated, a mean chef, and is really good with kids. And somehow STILL single...ah, the perks of academia... So on Friday, we had delicious homemade Korean food. Then a few of us met up with a few others, and went to the CLERMONT LOUNGE! It is a strip bar for old people - as in the strippers are old, not the crowd. We talked to "Porscha", a 65 year old stripper who has two children, aged 25 and 40, and offered to give one of our guy friends a lap dance. We politely refused as he ran to the bathroom to throw up. But in all seriousness, it was actually a very fun time and the people were very chill. The best highlight of the night was the CRUSHING OF THE BEER CAN IN BETWEEN A STRIPPER'S BUTTCHEEKS! Yes, I never thought I would type that sentence either. But believe me, once you've seen the sight, you will always be hungering for more. I have also heard that one of the strippers ("Blondie"?)  crushes the can in between her breasts. So glorious. Afterwards, we were so enthralled that we ordered a dozen doughnuts from Krispy Kreme.

The next day, I had to finish some work in the lab (surprise, surprise). But I also managed to sneak some time in to visit the local doughnut shop with two other friends in lab (do the doughnuts ever end, you ask? "the answer is nooooooo..."). Although they didn't have penis doughnuts, the selection was otherwise great and very delicious. In the afternoon, I headed over to the opposing lab's Kario Mart party, which is basically Mario Kart but with drinking. Although I was the only non-lab member present that also was not someone's significant other (um, awkward turtle?), it actually wasn't too turtle (yes, I just said that). We had a lot of fun and went to dinner at a pizza place nearby. On Saturday night, a bunch of us went to Opera, a nightclub in the area. I am not sure what the deal is with nightclub/bars that are named after random things, like Church, which is a bar but often gets mistaken for a CHURCH because, well, you know...turtle. 

Anyway, we parked to go to Opera in a $3 lot after much debate and evasion of the $10, then $5 lots. I kept opting for free street parking, but was overturned by a vote of 4-1. It turned out that we didn't have $3 in cash between the 5 of us. So we just left and figured we would come back afterwards and pay, or not pay (probably the latter). However, when we came back roughly 4 hours later, there was A BOOT ON OUR CAR. Which cost $75 to get off! In retrospect, we should have just googled "how to get a boot of your car" and found out that all you have to do is deflate your tire and it slips right off, but of course we were being ignorant fools. I'm still pissed about the situation, although I suppose it was our own faults for not paying. BUT STILL. Apparently there is a "real life superhero" in England called the Angle-Grinder Man that goes around cutting boots off people's cars. Because I'm slightly less apt with heavy machinery, I am considering just handing out print-outs of the previous website so that other people with boots can get rid of them without having to pay the ridiculous fine. 

But talking about real-life superheros, THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO movie is being released TOMORROW!!! 

Last summer, I read all three of the books in the trilogy by Swedish author Stieg Larsson. Then I saw all three of the Swedish movies. I even went as Lisbeth Salander for Halloween. Now the movies are being remade in Hollywood, and I CANNOT wait to watch them! As of today, the wallpaper on both of my computers are of a tattooed Rooney Mara. 

She is so badass.

I've posted this on Facebook and may or may not pass out before I make it to the theater to watch the premiere. It's even got a 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which you KNOW is near impossible (Fine, it is 85% now, but as of last night it was still 90%, and I'm sure it will go back up! Haters gon' hate...). I think I'll have to wait to see it with The Boyf when I go home after Friday, so I don't know how I'm going to contain my excitement until then. 

This week, apart from the dreadful wait for the contact angle machine to go back up, is filled with exciting things! Tomorrow I am going to see the Atlanta Ballet's The Nutcracker, showing at the Fox Theater right next to my place. Then Thursday night I am going to the Atlanta Brewing Company to finally use my Groupon. Then Friday night I am going HOME! So home. In college I hated going home. But now that I've finally told Padre about The Boyf, he is finally giving me a bit more freedom and it's actually nice to go home now. Also, today at 6pm I find out if I passed MASS TRANSFER (passing with a B, that is - still reminiscing over the days when I could get by with a D in fluids). So wish me luck! 

I just received an email that the contact angle machine should be back up soon. EL KHEMDULLILAH! (I know it's spelled wrong, deal with it). 

Happy holidays! More updates to come soon (hopefully)...

Panda Declares Danger

This will be short since I only got around four hours of sleep last night (more like this morning), and I need to wake up at 8am tomorrow to go shopping (for shopping, I’d declare myself an insomniac). I decided to slack off on the studying since I was working at the restaurant today and the lady who helps out doesn’t come in on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. So I looked over half of my amino acid notecards and took it easy.

BUT THEN…

Some jerk called and complained that the shrimp fried rice he ordered LAST NIGHT was the worst shrimp fried rice he had ever had in his life. When I offered to give him a new order for free, he said that he wouldn’t take it even if we were the LAST restaurant in the WORLD. 

I asked him if the shrimp was undercooked. It wasn’t.

Apparently he was expecting more vegetables and flavor (aka MSG, sodium, all that stuff that usually KILLS people). 

FIRST OF ALL, BUDDY – may I call you buddy? Or would you rather have me shove this egg roll up your…sorry, have to keep this “nice, clean fun”. But anyway, BUDDY – the shrimp fried rice has bean sprouts, onions, scallions and shrimp in it. Oh, and rice. It’s SHRIMP fried RICE. And just because other restaurants put frozen peas and carrots and some egg in their fried rice, doesn’t mean that our fried rice is terrible. We season the rice and precook it before it even hits the wok and the shrimp is added. What’s the whole deal with having the tastiest fried rice, anyway? Could it be worse than WHITE RICE? Because white rice tastes like NOTHING. And you ordered RICE. So I’m thinking it would taste like a variation of some sort. 

SECONDLY, BUDDO – If this rice was so terrible, as you say, and if you were a first and last customer, as you say, and if you don’t want a free fried rice, then WHY CALL!? Any sane person that visits a restaurant for the first time and doesn’t like the food would just keep his or her mouth shut and just not go back. Why did you feel the need to call in and let us know the fried rice was bad? It had nothing to do with the actual food. No one got sick. YOU just THINK it is BLAND.

THIRDLY, YOU BIG COWARD – Why don’t you man up and NOT put your number on private? The only thing I regret is not recording the phone conversation, because I was so gracious even when you insulted my family’s restaurant. It’s not that you don’t like the cook, you obviously have a problem with the entire way we prepare food (well, rice at least). And who are you to judge us by ONE meal? Sorry for taking your $3.85+tax and giving you rice that tastes like RICE. And after twenty years of being open, I MIGHT ASSUME that the way we make our rice would be suitable for the general population. I’ve been working in restaurants since I was in the womb. This is our family restaurant, and it may not be much, but don’t you dare come around insulting the food when IT WAS PERFECTLY FINE. 

I HATE YOU. And the worst part is, I have no idea who you are. So I’m just going to slander this around on the Internet in hopes that it might get back to you (you know who you are). And if we ever do meet, I will just warn you once now:

OKERRRR. My panda powers will completely overtake your puny mind. So don’t mess with me! 

Whew. I needed to get that out.

And not only that stupid creep, but a bunch of other emails popped up when I got home and reminded me that I have to do a POOP TON of work in the next few days, and I STILL DON’T have my schedule yet. I am still waiting to see if I was accepted into a program, which would entail traveling to a conference in early August. If I’m accepted, I go. If not, I am going to Hotlanta NOW. BUT I NEED TO KNOW. LIKE NOW. So I’m freaking out about my agenda, I’m freaking out about the impossible BLOCK 0 homework that I JUST started for the med school class, I’m freaking out because the school still needs my transcript and PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP (I already sent it, GET ORGANIZED, school!), I’m freaking out because I have to close my grandma’s bank and telephone accounts but she is not in the country and I ALWAYS HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING even though no one will talk to me because I’m not authorized on their account (I HATE YOU QWEST, she has dementia for goodness sake), and I’m still hating on the anonymous hater of my beloved shrimp fried rice.

SO I WENT RUNNING.

It was pitiful.

I ran around the block once and almost went into cardiac arrest (JOKE, don’t worry it was only heart palpitations…JOKE), so that shows how much I’ve been working out lately (I HAVEN’T). But anyway, it felt so good to get that energy out. Otherwise you know I would have just cried and ate chocolates. Both of which aren’t really conducive to getting any further on the dreaded BLOCK 0. 

But after my run, I felt better. I’m glad there’s going to be a gym downstairs in my apartment complex. If things keep up this way, I’ll be ready to run a marathon by the end of the semester.